To preface my proceeding statements, I am sharing from my personal experiences for which there are no scholarly citations. I share because many Black women have fallen victim to rejection. However successful they are now, there have been times of rejection that have manifested in their lives at some point. Many of our girls today have “daddy issues” that if not addressed now, will manifest in poor choices, be it a career, friendships, male relationships, etc. I’m sure if I searched there is a scholar somewhere who has done extensive research on this topic but I am speaking from one who is a witness and knows first hand that rejection is a thief.
For me, I never remember my father living in our home. Although he and my mother divorced when I was five, I remember him visiting our home once. I bore his last name and that was the extent of our relationship. At age 21 I was talking to one of my sisters and just like it was yesterday I remember asking her, “Who is that scruffy man you’re talking to?” Her response, “That’s our father”. My response was, “oh”. We did not glance at each other nor did we exchange pleasantries. He was a stranger to me.
In 2005 or 2006 my other sister was crying hysterically and said to me, “Tonya, our father passed away!” My response, “I’m so sorry for your loss. My condolences to you.” I did not fully understand then how rejection from my father had stolen from me. Today, I realize that rejection is a thief. Because of my father’s rejection of denying me being his biological child, it manifested in ways I had not realized until now. Because of this, my mother said she held me close because he denied me. I was the proverbial “black sheep” in a sense. Her holding me close translated as favoritism to my siblings and caused us to have strained relationships. It was not until I was I turned forty that I learned the totality of his rejection of me. Rejection also brought with it abandonment issues. I have always been self-reflective but never given the space or permission to affirm the depths of the ways in which his rejection painfully impacted my life.
Rejection can steal your confidence, delay your destiny, and cause fear to manifest in your life. The word “reject” is defined by Webster’s Dictionary as, “to refuse to accept, consider, submit to, take for some purpose, or use” In other words, rejection is the act of accepting, refusing, considering, etc. Don’t allow rejection to continue to steal from you. Don’t let the spirit of rejection that has clung to you, attached to you and suppressed you, overtake you! For me, rejection played out in relationships. I’ll reject you before you reject me. In my career. In my family. In ministry. Rejection shows up when you are not invited to the event. Rejection shows up when you feel you are not qualified even though you have earned advanced and terminal degrees. Rejection shows up when you don’t get the job or get released from the job, whether through termination or layoffs. Rejection shows up when you don’t live like others live or haven’t traveled as extensively as others. Rejection shows up when the elitist gather and dismiss you. Rejection shows up in breakups and divorces. Rejection shows up in every area of your life to steal your confidence, self-esteem and destiny. Rejection also manifests as being an overachiever, perfectionist and/or a procrastinator. Rejection is a thief.
The release for me came when I faced rejection head on and sought God for more guidance on how to address this thief that continued to take from me. God strengthened me to face this spirit head on without wavering. God gave me a new boldness when I was confronted and rejected about my theological positions in service where this thief of rejection attacked my work. A thief can only operate when given the space and consent to take from you. Go back and get your stuff!! Address the pain and get help to address it if you need to. Cry, cuss, scream...then forge ahead into freedom - with your stuff. The thief will continue to seek to steal what it can but it's up to you to decide enough is enough. Understand that reclainimg what the enemy has stolen takes courage and time. It does not happen overnight, but you can win!
Let us make this declaration of reclaiming what is rightfully ours in order to live the life God has called us to live. I will no longer give room to the thief named rejection. With God’s help I will mount up with wings as an Eagle. I will run and not get weary, I will walk and not faint. I will rest in God’s covenant of peace knowing that I can rest in God. Today, I take back everything that this thief, the enemy, my advisory, has stolen from me. I declare that I will reclaim what God has for me and no longer fall victim of the lies of the enemy. I walk in courage and boldness.The enemy no longer has power over me. I walk in victory and liberation! In Jesus’ Name. Amen.